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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27212557">A Port in the Storm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy'>ladyamesindy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Biotic Pinball Wizard - The Story of Michael Shepard [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Death, F/M, Grief, Grieving, M/M, alenko twins, letting go, mShenko, post-Alchera</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:13:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27212557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Their grandmother always told them when things get bad, you find your port in the storm and take shelter until it passes.  After the destruction of the Normandy over Alchera, Kandra Alenko hopes her twin brother can remember that ...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Twin Alenko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Biotic Pinball Wizard - The Story of Michael Shepard [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>She runs like the wind, or as close to it as she can manage, and prays to every god there is that her parents aren’t here.  The last thing she needs right now is a scene with them; it’s the last thing <em>Kaidan</em> needs, too. </p><p>She ducks and dodges her way around people and equipment, holds her breath as she wedges through partly open doors and eventually vaults herself over a bench in the lobby of the spaceport.  It startles the soldier sitting there minding his own business, but she makes no apology for her actions; nothing is going to keep her from reaching him right now.  Nothing and no one.</p><p>Of course, when she reaches security she’s stopped by a corporal, an act which results in a very creative string of curses.  More curses issue forth beneath her breath as Kandra digs through her purse for her ID and flashes it at him, explains her purpose, and when still he hesitates, she narrows her best, <em>If you are lying to me, I’ll Throw you into next year, </em>look.  When he continues to hold her up, anger gets the better of her, triggering her biotic corona; she can tell by the way his eyes widen and trail the movement across her skin.  He freezes up for just a moment, until he finally stammers she may pass; Kandra briefly wonders if it’s the biotics or the lieutenant two checkpoint stalls over who makes the difference.  Maybe later she can find out, once the horror is behind her.  Behind <em>him</em>.  For now, she hurries through.</p><p>She comes to a junction at the end of the hall and, finding a sign to guide her, turns right.  It’s more crowded here; personnel, supplies, equipment weaving intricate pathways throughout the area, like a spider creating a web.  And it’s <em>loud.  </em>Normally, it would be a <em>thing</em>, a worry that it could trigger her vertigo, but she can’t afford to be distracted by it today.  She <em>refuses.  </em>Her focus is on one ship, one person, not the rest of the spaceport. </p><p>The facility is strictly an Alliance operation.  She was here,  once years before, but she has a good idea of where she’s headed.  Before dashing out of the café, she looked up the floorplan and made certain she knew where her destination is.  It’s only a matter of getting there.  Time is not her friend at the moment, and that frustrates her to no end, but there isn’t anything she can do about it.  So, she keeps on running.</p><p>There is a narrow miss with a transport vehicle, and she nearly bowls into a squad of marines marching through the halls, but she keeps going, legs churning, ache building.  Then finally, up ahead, she sees her next turn.   </p><p>Right.  Another long hall.  Then left, then almost immediately right again.  Relief slams her in the face when she comes upon the right berth.  <em>Docking Bay 3-56H</em>.  Her breath catches when she finds his ship is already here, secured and currently unloading.  Afraid she might have missed him, she looks around the area, searching.  There is a group of about a half dozen people standing off to one side, mostly Alliance personnel if the uniforms mean anything, and moves over to stand with them.  The ship is huge, far larger than she expects, and it’s going to take a while for everyone to exit.  Listening to the others around her, she comes to understand the ship has only just arrived.  It’s a relief in some ways.  She doesn’t expect he will be one of the first; she hopes he won’t be one of the last.</p><p>Minutes feel like hours as they drag on.  Others join the group where she stands.  Kandra can’t be bothered to partake in idle chitchat or small talk and instead keeps a keen eye upon the flow of crewmen and women disembarking.  Unconsciously, she wraps her arms around her middle as she shifts back and forth from foot to foot.  There’s a biting chill in the air and she forgot to grab her heavy sweater.  She shivers, but there isn’t anything she can do so she simply waits.  Every few minutes, she tears her gaze from the ship and searches around the dock just to make sure she hasn’t missed him in the flow of traffic.  At one point, perhaps a half hour in, she wonders if their parents have heard; they must have, their father’s connections within the Alliance remain strong despite his retirement. </p><p>After nearly forty-five minutes, she spots him.  He’s hunched over, carefully escorting someone bandaged up their arm and around their head.  There’s a medical transport waiting on the docks not too far distant and she has no doubt he will assist them the entire way, so she turns in that direction.  The docking bay is very crowded now, nearly three times as many people as when she arrived, but there is still no sign of her parents.  The struggle to make it through the gathering crowd is a challenge, especially since she isn’t in uniform, but a sergeant notices and takes pity and helps carve out a clear path for her.  She smiles her thanks as she passes through.</p><p>Several minutes later, she finds him standing off to the side speaking to an older woman.  The way the woman rests her hand on his shoulder, head bowed as they speak, Kandra can tell there is concern, but Kaidan, being Kaidan, forces a smile and shakes his head.  He opens his mouth to speak, maybe even gets a few words out, she can’t tell from this distance, but then their eyes meet ... </p><p>Kandra freezes.  The totality of his pain, the depth of it, knocks the air from her lungs and tells her more than any words can.  He’s going through hell.  Their grandmother always told them when things get bad, you find your port in the storm and take shelter until it passes.  He just stares at her a long minute.  It’s only when she manages a step forward that he pushes away from his companion.  The distance between them disappears in less than a heartbeat, and the next she knows his arms are around her, holding her, <em>squeezing </em>her so tightly that breathing is impossible.  A soft sob tears from his lungs, barely audible on the docks but loud enough she can hear and it breaks her heart as she clings back. </p><p>Still, if there is one thing she knows, it’s that he’s found his port, and she will shelter him with all her might for as long as he needs.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Back at her apartment, Kandra guides him to the sofa in front of the big bay window that looks out over English Bay in her sitting room.  Even from a three block distance, the view is stunning, and whenever she needs a peaceful, quiet place to think or just <em>be</em>, she comes here.  He sits without argument and she sets his bag and coat aside to deal with later.  She retreats into the kitchenette and sets a kettle on the stove to boil, then putters around for a few minutes preparing a tray.  When the water is heated, she pours it into an antique pot that their grandmother used to use, then carries the tray into the sitting room. </p><p>His eyes are focused outside the window, on the bay, but she knows he isn’t actually seeing it.  His position, his posture, hasn’t changed since she left him ten minutes before, but it screams at her; <em>lost, adrift, alone.  </em>Kandra winces as she takes a seat next to him.  Throughout their lives, she and her twin have always had a very close relationship; one half of a whole to the other.  Long separations never went well.  When he finally enlisted, on his first shore leave he spent the entire week visiting her.  Their parents were a bit miffed he didn’t stop by, but how do you make them understand when twins are closer than close?</p><p>Kandra is astute enough to realize that sometime over the past year something has changed.  He thinks he’s keeping it secret from her, intentional or not, but Kandra knows what she saw just a few weeks ago in her café, and honestly, she can’t blame him.  Commander Michael Shepard is as charismatic as the vids present him.  Bright blue and very intense eyes, his broad and slightly crooked smile, laughter that <em>includes </em>everyone around him – all of it.  And he is Kaidan’s.  <em>Was</em>. </p><p>She takes a moment to focus on pouring tea.  He doesn’t turn when she nudges his hand with the mug – proper tea cups just won’t work right now – but years of habit have him taking it from her.  Kandra positions herself next to him, behind him really, holding her own mug carefully as she rests her head on his shoulder and stares out at the view with him.  The sun is beginning to set and the water looks a bit like sparkling crystal as it reflects the dying light.  For the moment, she says nothing, and he seems content with that.  It’s only after the sun falls below the horizon she murmurs, “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>He stirs as if woken from a deep sleep, half turning and placing his mostly full mug back on the tray.  There is a tremble in his hand she’s never seen before.  She wonders if he will actually share any details; she won’t press him about it, just wants him to know the invitation is there.  Kaidan is nothing if not private, but he’s never held anything back from her.  Not yet, anyway.  She hopes this won’t be a first.</p><p>He starts to shake his head but stops himself, seemingly changing his mind.  It’s only when he looks over his shoulder that she sees just how deep the struggle is.  “He –.”  His voice cracks painfully and his head drops to his chest.</p><p>Kandra sets her mug aside and opens her arms to him giving him the choice.  His arms slide around her, pulling her into an embrace as tight if not tighter than the one at the spaceport.  This time, he doesn’t hold back; the sobs are torn from deep inside, shaking him violently.  It’s painful to hear, but she holds onto him, providing a lifeline.  In the past, he’s always been the strong one, even after the incident with Vyrnnus at Jump Zero.  Though glad of the opportunity to be the same for him, she wishes desperately it was under other circumstances.</p><p>They sit like that for a long time.  She murmurs softly and strokes his hair.  After a while, as he starts to calm, she hums softly – a song they knew as children, one used to soothe away nightmares.  She finds it oddly comforting; she hopes he does as well….</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Song:  Dust in the Wind  by Kansas</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kandra watches through the window as three blocks away the last hints of night fade into day over the waters of English Bay.  It isn’t a drastic change of lighting – the forecast predicts rain, and a cold one at that, and the skies certainly look as if they aim to please – but it’s morning, or so her alarm clock assures her, and she needs to get ready and head out to work.</p>
<p>There’s only one problem: her twin.</p>
<p>Retreating from the window, she glances in the direction of his bedroom door.  He’s awake, she knows this much for fact; she heard him moving around, using the bathroom, making a pot of coffee, though he hasn’t taken any for himself.  Concern mars her brow.  It’s troubling to see him this way.  Depression isn’t a fun beast to tackle under any circumstances, and she’s had her own bouts with it over the years.  He has too, once, but never quite as bad as this.  Sure, killing your turian instructor unexpectedly would send anyone spiraling downward, she watched it happen, but there’s a huge difference between that and losing the person you’ve given your heart to. </p>
<p>Her eyes close and she takes a moment for a brief prayer for the man she met just a few weeks ago.  She isn’t overly religious, but in the short time they spent in each other’s company, it was impossible to miss the deep connection he and her brother shared, something she always hoped her twin would find.  Shepard was a charmer in his own way, his humor akin to her own, and oh, those eyes and that smile!  She will miss the man, but Kaidan?  His heart is broken, even if he won’t admit it aloud.  That is the thing about twins: she knows how to read him where others don’t.</p>
<p>A soft shuffle from the direction of the bedroom pulls her from her thoughts, and Kandra smiles gently as Kaidan exits his room.  When he heads to the kitchen, she follows after.  “Morning,” she murmurs, leaning over to press a light kiss to his cheek.  “Sleep better?” </p>
<p>He pulls away with a shrug.  “Same.”</p>
<p>That doesn’t bode well, but she lets it slide for the moment.  Some things, no matter how much she wants to help, he has to do for himself, and if he won’t share the details of what happened out there, she can’t make him.  “You know, K, I was thinking,” she says, starting down a different path, one she’d been debating since his return.</p>
<p>His lips twitch at the corner, but no smile appears as he pours coffee.  Once he has his mug, he turns and leans his hips back against the counter, his eyes focusing on her.  “Don’t hurt yourself.”</p>
<p>The humor, such as it is, is a good sign, and a smirk curls upward.  “So you <em>are </em>still in there?  Good to know,” she crows softly as she wrinkles her nose at him.  Again his lips twitch, but a smile is elusive.  Ah, well.  “Anyway, as I said, I was thinking; why don’t you come down to the café with me?  You could work in the kitchen like you used to when I first started and it’s sure to give you a distraction.”  <em>It’s better than staying shut up in your room 24/7, </em>she doesn’t say aloud, but the look in his eyes assures her he can read her as well as she can him.</p>
<p>He takes a cautious sip of the coffee and shrugs again.  “Maybe.”</p>
<p>Kandra sighs softly and shakes her head, the only outward sign of her disapproval.  There’s no … spirit in his voice, no enthusiasm.  No, that’s not quite right.  If anything, he sounds dead inside.  Just like Shepard.  <em>Not a good sign at all.</em>  She considers other possible ways to stir him up, to get a reaction from him – he needs to let it out, to start healing, but he’s stubborn; all the Alenkos are stubborn.  Genetic trait.  No other explanation needed. </p>
<p>“Have you talked to Mom and Dad yet?”</p>
<p>His eyes darken like the thunderclouds outside her sitting room window and his voice is just as thunderous.  “No.”</p>
<p>She arches one brow at him in response.  Well, that was a reaction.  “Have they contacted you?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Finishing her drink, she sets the mug in the sink before facing him again.  “You know, K, I have an idea.”</p>
<p>He sighs and starts to walk past her, but she shifts just enough to slide in front of him and block his path.  He won’t push past and he certainly won’t walk over her.  “Kan, I’m not really interested in –.”</p>
<p>Lifting a finger, she taps lightly in the center of his chest and continues as if he didn’t interrupt her.  “Why don’t we go down to the beach tonight.  We’ll grab a bottle of the good stuff, get some candles and we’ll do like we did for Gram and Grandpa when they died.”  Her voice softens and she smiles up at him, allowing him to see her pain too.  “You have to say goodbye to him, K.  You know that.  He wouldn’t want you to cling like this.”</p>
<p>She sees the first signs of cracking as his face tightens.  He tries to look away, but quick tears form and trickle down his cheeks.  Immediately, she opens her arms and he’s there, head on her shoulder, silent sobs shaking him as he holds on unlike any other time in their lives like a man drowning and about to go under.  They’re nearly the same height, but his weight feels like lead against her shoulder as he just … melts into her.  Tightening her arms, she hums softly near his ear, soothing words and notes, something hopeful in the end. </p>
<p>When he pulls back, he no longer hides his grief from her.  “I …”  His voice cracks, stops, and he shakes his head.</p>
<p>Reaching up, she uses her thumb to brush away a few straggling tears from his cheek.  “Kaidan, I know.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s running late by the time she arrives home, and she’s half afraid he will have changed his mind.  Upon entering the apartment, she finds him at the window staring out at the bay.  On the coffee table are a couple of blankets, a bottle of whiskey and the bag she used the last time they did this.  Relief washes through her.  If he’s gone to the trouble to gather the rest, she’s pretty sure he’ll see this through.  A weight lifts off her shoulders as she sets her purse aside and smiles over at him.  “Ready?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, let’s go.”</p>
<p>He collects the blankets and she grabs the bottle and bag and they head out.  The journey is made in silence, but they fall into step with the other, side by side, just like they used to in their younger years.  Casual bystanders never think anything of it, if they even notice, but for the two of them it comes as natural as breathing.  To be one with the other, in unison, not separate halves but a whole.  A built in support system on all levels.</p>
<p>Ahead, the sun slowly descends to the horizon.  The storms from this morning have given away to mostly clear skies.  The beach is surprisingly empty, however, which is probably for the best this time.  Kandra finds a good spot just far enough from the water’s edge so they won’t get wet.  Kaidan lays out the blankets, giving them a place to sit comfortably without getting sand in their clothing.  Once settled, she hands him the bottle while she pulls out the items from her bag.</p>
<p>The idea of Chinese sky lanterns is something she fell in love with as a child; of lighting the way for the spirit of a loved one to assist them to the heavens.  When their grandparents passed shortly before they were sent off to Gagarin Station, Kandra made a lantern for each, pouring all of her creativity and love for them into the process.  Kaidan found her in tears as she worked, but she explained to him that they were simply the tears of letting go.  Of healing.  As he watched, she wrote a few words on a slip of paper for each – a goodbye note of sorts – which she tucked into the framework of the lantern so it could make the journey to them, with them.</p>
<p>Now, as she lays out the pieces to make another, she hands a small notepad and a pen over to her twin.  Their eyes meet and she doesn’t miss the growing dread in his.  She doesn’t force the issue, instead setting the pen and pad between them on the blanket.  She plans to write her own short note even though she hadn’t known him as well, but what she does remember brings a smile, and that she wants to pay tribute to.</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long at all to build, and half the bottle of whiskey disappears in the process, but she finishes before the sun is completely set.  Affixing the candle to the small platform that holds it, she looks over at her twin.  “Are you ready?”</p>
<p>He sits partly reclined, leaning on his hands.  The bottle rests between them, but he hasn’t touched it for at least a quarter of an hour.  Right now his gaze is focused in the distance, at the fading glitter of the sun’s lingering caress on the waves. </p>
<p>Kandra reaches for the notepad, giving him time to contemplate while she writes a brief message.  This she rips out, folds twice and tucks it into the framework, securing it for the journey.  When she finishes, she looks over to find Kaidan handing her another folded page.  She’s tempted to ask if he would like to secure it, but his hand shakes and she decides he would only end up destroying the lantern in the process.  Carefully, without opening the message, she tucks it next to hers.  Only then does she reach for the matches.</p>
<p>Holding the lantern in one hand and extending the other to her twin, she rises to her feet.  “Come on, I’ll need your help.”  Technically, she could manage it alone, but if he is truly going to let Shepard go, Kaidan needs to actively participate.  He spends a long minute sitting and staring at her hand before he takes it in his. </p>
<p>Both have removed their shoes and socks and rolled up pant legs, preferring bare feet to soggy shoes as they approach the water’s edge.  With Kaidan standing opposite of her, his hands holding the base of the lantern, she lights a match and touches it to the candle wick until it catches.  After shaking out the match, she lowers her hands to help steady it. </p>
<p>Within a couple of minutes, enough heat builds inside of the lantern that it lifts gently out of their hands, sailing upward into the darkening skies.  The faint light from the candle flickers softly through the fabric, and Kandra loops an arm through her brother’s, leaning against him as she watches, a peaceful smile on her lips.  She keeps her attention focused on the lantern not on him, but she can hear the soft sniffles and hitches in his breath, feel the tremors that ripple through his arms.  She slides one step closer; he drapes his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in.  He whispers something, but it’s so soft and aimed in the direction of the lantern she cannot make it out over the crash of the waves at their feet. </p>
<p>A moment later, his arm tightens briefly.  When it relaxes again, he pulls her to stand in front of him.  Both of his arms surround her now, and she leans back into his embrace.  “Thank you,” he murmurs near her ear.  “For me and … for him.”</p>
<p>Kandra pats his arm and replies softly, “He was special. He meant something to you, therefore he meant something to me.”  She half turns to look up at him.  “I’m so glad you found some happiness with him, even if it was only for a short time.  That is something you can hold onto for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p>A hesitant, yet sad smile twitches at his lips.  “I … have no regrets.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>They spend the next half hour watching the lantern rise until it disappears from view.  Only then do they gather their things and head back to the apartment.  When they arrive, Kaidan disappears into his room.  It isn’t late, but as much stress as he’s been through over these past weeks since the <em>Normandy </em>was attacked, she doesn’t blame him for an early night.  She heads to the kitchenette and starts heating water for tea.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, Kaidan joins her a few minutes later.  It’s only then she understands.  In his hands, he has her old guitar, the one that used to belong to their grandfather.  This he sets near the couch before he joins her at the stove.  She grabs a second mug and makes tea for them both.</p>
<p>“Will you play?”  His voice is quiet, barely a whisper, but she hears hope in it; the first time since he’s been home.</p>
<p>Her response is in her smile.  “You know I will.”  It’s true; she can’t deny him such a simple request.  “Which song.”</p>
<p>“The one you played for Gandpa.”</p>
<p>Tea in hand, they walk over and sit.  Kandra takes the instrument in hand, tunes it, and pauses for a moment to sip her tea and find the proper headspace.  When she lifts the instrument onto her lap again, she strums a chord to test the sound and nods in approval.  From there, it’s only a matter of music …</p>
<p>
  <em>I close my eyes<br/>Only for a moment, and the moment's gone<br/>All my dreams<br/>Pass before my eyes, a curiosity</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dust in the wind<br/>All they are is dust in the wind</em>
</p>
<p>With the second verse, he joins in.  In past, his voice is usually as strong as hers, blending harmoniously.  Tonight, it’s a ghost of his usual baritone and he struggles; but that’s okay, his heart is focused elsewhere.</p>
<p>
  <em>Same old song<br/>Just a drop of water in an endless sea<br/>All we do<br/>Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dust in the wind<br/>All we are is dust in the wind<br/>Oh</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now, don't hang on<br/>Nothin' lasts forever but the earth and sky<br/>It slips away<br/>And all your money won't another minute buy</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dust in the wind<br/>All we are is dust in the wind<br/>(All we are is dust in the wind)<br/>Dust in the wind<br/>(Everything is dust in the wind)<br/>Everything is dust in the wind<br/>The wind…</em>
</p>
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